WHAT did you eat?

Well, I'm not sure what the people in this building eat, but every time I go into the bathroom it smells like someone wiped poop on the walls. I can't even pee without covering my head in my shirt. I keep hoping someone will walk in when I am walking out looking like a ninja. Hasn't happened.

Rusty and I are looking at homes. Frankly, I wish I could get someone to find a home for me. I hate talking about money and big purchases. I want to chug multiple glasses of wine.

I've come to the conclusion that British television is better than American television. I have never heard so many breast, butt, and poop jokes.

Going crazy!

My goodness. I don't think I have spoken a word since I came in. So, I have a lot to say.

I watched some movie called Corporation yesterday. Due to my lack of talking, I let my mouth loose on Rusty to tell him how corporations allow bacteria in our milk. I thought this picture was fitting:

Literally. Look up the company Monsanto. Apparently, this company created a hormone that would increase milk production but caused the cows to have infected udders. This bacteria would get into our milk and we would drink it. Monsanto knew about it and covered it up. So, I went on and on about how that is seriously screwed up.  So, I come home and there isn't another word about it. Rusty wanders off to school for some sociology class and I start my homework.

10:00 pm - He comes home yelling "WE CAN NEVER SHOP AT WAL-MART EVER AGAIN!" They showed him some movie that obviously tarnished Wal-mart for him.

So, now we can't drink milk (unless it is organic or local) and buy from Wal-mart. I'm not sure how we will survive or how long this will last.

I have to say, Rusty and I went to the local farmer's market that is under 83 in the city. BEST. MILK. EVER. So, check it out: http://www.promotionandarts.com/index.cfm?page=events&id=3

That is all.

Head problems...

I'd like to take a minute to address a stupid ailment called a migraine. I think migraines are beyond stupid. I hate them. They are kinda like an unexpected pregnancy. They pop up out of no where, hit you like a ton of bricks and makes you want to vomit.

I have been informed that today is red-head appreciation day. I have been a red-head for quite a few years now (not natural). I am very pale so red hair is perfect. I would like to give a shout out to some famous red heads.

I had to put Carrot Top in there, even though I think he is a hot mess.

I am fighting with myself to not eat my lunch. I think my stomach will win this battle.

This is a dress. A dress that I would never wear. This looks like the Michelin man's wicked stepsister. 

GREATNESS!

DO YOU EVEN SEE THIS!? THIS is an adult sized big wheel. I want and need one.

The floods are coming!

This is the reason for my lack of comfortable sleep. This is why I need a king bed. See that little space to the right of my dog Rex? That is where I sleep.

My office is so cold that I think I may roll up a oil drum trashcan and start a fire. I might even cut the fingertips off my gloves.

I am wearing high waters today. As a tall girl, nothing bothers me more than when I can feel the bottoms of my pants hit my ankles. There is a chance of thunderstorms, so I guess my pants will be safe if there is a flood.

Sometimes I wish...

...that I had a squirt gun and could walk up to random people and squirt them in their no-no spot.

The Beginning

Well, I have decided to start this blog because I need a place to say random funny things. My old co-worker used to hear the majority of my nonsensical bullshit. However, with a new job, I need to vent my ridiculous thoughts.

To start off, read this:
http://www.wbaltv.com/news/28470849/detail.html

Now, I found this story QUITE humorous. The main reason is that I loathe speeding cameras. I would have a couple bucks in my pocket that I could spend on something like underwear or a cool bra. Next thing you know, BAM, I owe $75 for going 15 mph over the limit. There goes my new undergarments! If I had the balls to walk up to a speed camera with a shot gun and camera, I would. This guy probably didn't want to hurt anyone, he just wanted to beat the crap out of the camera. He probably was surprised someone was actually in the vehicle, bashed in the windshield and ran like hell. I want to be his friend. I wouldn't want to cross him, but I would like to be his friend.

I had a dream last night that I was at my parent's house and a gray cat came up to me and was trying to get frisky (pun intended). I wanted to take him home with me because honestly, this cat loved me. I bent over to check it for fleas and ticks and BAM it turned into an Asian man. Then he tried to make out with me and, because I am so sexy in my dreams, he tried to bang me. I stopped him and told him I was married. He went on to say that he worked at Johns Hopkins as a doctor. I said "I don't care how much money you make, I am married." He morphed into a mopey fucking cat and left the house. I woke up thinking "Why are half cats - half Asian men trying to bang me in my dreams?"

I love the Party Rock Anthem. I have been jamming to it at 7 am every morning since I heard it. I am pretty disappointed that kids nowadays have awesome jamz like that and I had some stupid Nelly song. Ah, brings me back to when I dressed like Nelly with a band-aid on my face and a gum wrapper in my teeth for my grill. Yes, Nelly. That is YOUR fault.