Occupy Anything

I'd like to take a moment to write about the current Occupy movement that has spread across the world. I am so proud of the people that are coming out to show that we won't stand up for the greed that only benefits a few. Years ago, I had no faith in America. I didn't know why everyone just sat and watched everything fall apart. I always said that the reason why we are letting this happen to us is because we are lazy. They have made us content with being fat and lazy. They have made us content with being in our "bubble". The whole world around us was falling apart and the majority of us didn't lift a finger. Only when our friends and family lost their job, we saw the personal toll that greed can take on a society.

While I believe that the Occupy movement still has to shape into a unified message, I am happy that someone is doing something. I appreciate the thousands of people camping outside while I lay in my bed. I appreciate them forgoing their busy lives to protest. I cannot leave my job to protest. So, I can only use my words to show support.

I just had someone at work sing Happy Birthday to me. They thought my birthday was October 18th. So, I'm really regretting telling them that it wasn't my birthday and it is actually on December the 18th. I mean, how cool would it have been to have TWO birthdays in 3 months. Jesus always steals my thunder, so I think I should have let her believe it. Damn missed opportunities.

I have been walking up 14 flights of stairs to prepare myself for the exercise beat down that I will give myself in a few days. Rusty and I weighed ourselves and realized that we put on some post-marital pudge. Because we were feeling fat and vulnerable, we bought two spinning bikes. I am ready to pretend to ride all over the country via exercise video. With this preparation, comes super sore legs. So, everyone has been looking at me like I have been the recipient of post-marital bliss. Well, there has been that, but not enough to make me walk crooked. HAHAHA.

Sup Uterus and Earthquake.

Man, I have been busy with school.I am so stupid that I volunteered to help manage a project that has to be done by the entire class. Hoping that I don't have to smack anybody over the internet. haha.

The east coast experienced a 5.9 earthquake yesterday. Man, I realized that we are in some deep trouble. All the phones shut off and I couldn't reach anyone. So, I'm going to try and get an earthquake kit ready. Could you just imagine if something worse had happen? People are crazy. Like abnormally crazy. I'm waiting for a ridiculous amount of forwarded e-mails that make no sense.

Doom

Well, I am thinking about delivering a clown to my father that sings to him about the benefits of colorectal screening. He is way overdue for one and I think the only way to convince him is to deliver singing telegrams by a clown.

I saw some dead bodies a couple of days ago in a morgue. Not sure why I had the urge to even open my eyes to look, but I did. You would too. Don't lie. They were performing a face transplant. I was reminded of the horrific movie Texas Chainsaw Massacre where he wears people's faces like Halloween masks. I know this crazyness comes from somewhere. Didn't know it was the basement of my work.

Today Rusty told me that we needed a squirt bottle for when he irons his shirt. I told him to utilize the two squirt guns in the living room instead. I think ironing would  be a lot more HARDCORE if he were to shoot his shirts with water versus spraaaaying them. Spray sounds like a wussy word anyway.

I am a bit confused with myself. I have been working on school and working. Not to mention, attempting to purchase a home. This hectic schedule makes me a bit stressed. So, why did I just VOLUNTEER to be the assistant CIO in a class project. That means that I have to help coordinate the entire class with something. I'm stupid...I will probably regret it. However, with my brown nose, I am banking on an A+!

WHAT did you eat?

Well, I'm not sure what the people in this building eat, but every time I go into the bathroom it smells like someone wiped poop on the walls. I can't even pee without covering my head in my shirt. I keep hoping someone will walk in when I am walking out looking like a ninja. Hasn't happened.

Rusty and I are looking at homes. Frankly, I wish I could get someone to find a home for me. I hate talking about money and big purchases. I want to chug multiple glasses of wine.

I've come to the conclusion that British television is better than American television. I have never heard so many breast, butt, and poop jokes.

Going crazy!

My goodness. I don't think I have spoken a word since I came in. So, I have a lot to say.

I watched some movie called Corporation yesterday. Due to my lack of talking, I let my mouth loose on Rusty to tell him how corporations allow bacteria in our milk. I thought this picture was fitting:

Literally. Look up the company Monsanto. Apparently, this company created a hormone that would increase milk production but caused the cows to have infected udders. This bacteria would get into our milk and we would drink it. Monsanto knew about it and covered it up. So, I went on and on about how that is seriously screwed up.  So, I come home and there isn't another word about it. Rusty wanders off to school for some sociology class and I start my homework.

10:00 pm - He comes home yelling "WE CAN NEVER SHOP AT WAL-MART EVER AGAIN!" They showed him some movie that obviously tarnished Wal-mart for him.

So, now we can't drink milk (unless it is organic or local) and buy from Wal-mart. I'm not sure how we will survive or how long this will last.

I have to say, Rusty and I went to the local farmer's market that is under 83 in the city. BEST. MILK. EVER. So, check it out: http://www.promotionandarts.com/index.cfm?page=events&id=3

That is all.

Head problems...

I'd like to take a minute to address a stupid ailment called a migraine. I think migraines are beyond stupid. I hate them. They are kinda like an unexpected pregnancy. They pop up out of no where, hit you like a ton of bricks and makes you want to vomit.

I have been informed that today is red-head appreciation day. I have been a red-head for quite a few years now (not natural). I am very pale so red hair is perfect. I would like to give a shout out to some famous red heads.

I had to put Carrot Top in there, even though I think he is a hot mess.

I am fighting with myself to not eat my lunch. I think my stomach will win this battle.

This is a dress. A dress that I would never wear. This looks like the Michelin man's wicked stepsister. 

GREATNESS!

DO YOU EVEN SEE THIS!? THIS is an adult sized big wheel. I want and need one.

The floods are coming!

This is the reason for my lack of comfortable sleep. This is why I need a king bed. See that little space to the right of my dog Rex? That is where I sleep.

My office is so cold that I think I may roll up a oil drum trashcan and start a fire. I might even cut the fingertips off my gloves.

I am wearing high waters today. As a tall girl, nothing bothers me more than when I can feel the bottoms of my pants hit my ankles. There is a chance of thunderstorms, so I guess my pants will be safe if there is a flood.

Sometimes I wish...

...that I had a squirt gun and could walk up to random people and squirt them in their no-no spot.

The Beginning

Well, I have decided to start this blog because I need a place to say random funny things. My old co-worker used to hear the majority of my nonsensical bullshit. However, with a new job, I need to vent my ridiculous thoughts.

To start off, read this:
http://www.wbaltv.com/news/28470849/detail.html

Now, I found this story QUITE humorous. The main reason is that I loathe speeding cameras. I would have a couple bucks in my pocket that I could spend on something like underwear or a cool bra. Next thing you know, BAM, I owe $75 for going 15 mph over the limit. There goes my new undergarments! If I had the balls to walk up to a speed camera with a shot gun and camera, I would. This guy probably didn't want to hurt anyone, he just wanted to beat the crap out of the camera. He probably was surprised someone was actually in the vehicle, bashed in the windshield and ran like hell. I want to be his friend. I wouldn't want to cross him, but I would like to be his friend.

I had a dream last night that I was at my parent's house and a gray cat came up to me and was trying to get frisky (pun intended). I wanted to take him home with me because honestly, this cat loved me. I bent over to check it for fleas and ticks and BAM it turned into an Asian man. Then he tried to make out with me and, because I am so sexy in my dreams, he tried to bang me. I stopped him and told him I was married. He went on to say that he worked at Johns Hopkins as a doctor. I said "I don't care how much money you make, I am married." He morphed into a mopey fucking cat and left the house. I woke up thinking "Why are half cats - half Asian men trying to bang me in my dreams?"

I love the Party Rock Anthem. I have been jamming to it at 7 am every morning since I heard it. I am pretty disappointed that kids nowadays have awesome jamz like that and I had some stupid Nelly song. Ah, brings me back to when I dressed like Nelly with a band-aid on my face and a gum wrapper in my teeth for my grill. Yes, Nelly. That is YOUR fault.